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Needless to say, I was sad when I realized that I couldn't eat my favorites food anymore. I cannot list them, the list is just too long, I loved everything.
You know, at the beginning, after the hospital stay and the sick days, I really felt discourage. My normal could no longer be. Food after food, I realized I could no longer eat, and with each discovery was this feeling of defeat, it was really upsetting. I was really frustrated and I can honestly say that I got angry some of the time. It took me a while to get my mind and heart past the defeat in order to adjust to my new reality.
People don't really understand, they think you are being picky, annoying demanding, when you say you cannot eat certain things. I found myself making excuses, and sadly, a few times, I even ate things I knew would upset my stomach just to avoid upsetting somebody. Yes, that was not wise. If any think, people think you are on the newest diet. No, it is not a diet, it is a health issue, it is pain, it is not being able to serve my kids because my whole body hurts. It is wondering if my colon is swollen or if it is just gas. If is hoping for the pain to go away or other wise I may have to go to the hospital. It is taking my own food, from snack to meals everywhere me and my kids go. It is not letting my guard down and try something yummy but not good for me . It is cooking all the time because my kids and I cannot just eat any snacks, fast food, or order anything on the menu at a restaurant. It is constantly thinking and making note of what we ate so that when I hear, Mommy, my stomach hurts, I can think back to what we last ate. Or when my youngest is moaning at night and has rash all over his skin, I can attempt to pin point, where the day went wrong. We like to go to Apple Bees as a family and each time we go, I have a bowl of food for my youngest. He has a long list of allergies, I just cannot let him eat outside.
Think of it this way, you wake up in the morning, you wash your face, brush your teeth and you eat....nope...put that bagel down, put that pancake down, put that cereal down, yup, put that juice down yes, the coffee too. Nope, not that tea, not the toast, definitely not that egg, or that cheese...and it just keeps going from there. One day, I was eating all these food and the next one, my stomach refused to accept them. I had no idea what to eat. In fact, I was AFRAID of food, because it brought me great pain. So the frustration and the confusing set in. I had to first figure out what to eat, and that was not necessarily a given. Sometime I found out the hard way (pain) what I could no longer eat. Short of starving, I had to get over my fear, and proceed to discovering new foods, new way to cook old things. Having simple food, less seasoning, and tell myself that it was ok to eat rice for breakfast, lunch and cereal.
The hardest part for me was watching my youngest who was in the same situation as me. It broke my heart taking him from one doctor appointment to the other, without an answer to what the problem might be. One day I decided, my son is going to eat and not be in pain. I went out and bought a juicer and an electric mixer and some gluten free flours and started experimenting. It started from there and our journey with food continues to change every day. We adjust every day.
The key here is to trust your instinct and to know that your health and that of your kids is worth all the madness. Most importantly, in the mist of the good and bad days, count your blessings and be thankful for your situation. A nurse recently told me that she was tending to a client who has tongue cancer (yes, there is such a thing). This man had to have his tongue remove and is now on feeding tube. Can you imagine not to ever taste food again on your tongue? So I say, count your blessings. Each food you are still able to eat is a blessing, Praise God for it, give Him thanks in the circumstance that you are in, because it is through His grace and His grace alone that I am where I am now, that I have come to have the understanding that I do now. So, I give Him thanks and Praise.
Tell me about your journey...have you experience similar things? Please share.
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